Episode 35

What it's like working with me as a couple

Let's do a little behind the scenes of what it looks like, feels like, sounds like to work with me when I work with couples, because I don't bring you to the couch where you can go back and forth about the latest infraction. I take you to yourself. I help you build a strong foundation of who you are and release outdated attachment ways that cause you to need a perpetrator or savior in your story making you the victim.

The goal can't be to simply "make this marriage work" or even to stay together. If we both start or stop there you will never feel fulfilled in any relationship because you depend on the relationship to tell you who you are and how well you're doing.

The real goal is fulfill the highest most truthful expression of yourself as a human being with a massive soul mission...and if that includes this marriage & I do hope it does because I deeply value the sacredness of marriage and there's also nothing that hurts more than separation of families. However, sometimes a family didn't just form to stay together but to learn, grow, and evolve both together and apart in the most authentic and conscious place so everyone involved overcomes even more empowered & aligned with their purpose.

Today's behind the scenes is a riff to one of my male married clients who was focused on what his wife was doing wrong and how she was making him feel. He hadn't had his first call yet so, he's just learning the process and focus. Tune in to see what I tell him.

Deepen your quality of life & relationships going further with Jodie:

Make sure to like and subscribe so you never miss an episode.

And, don't forget to leave a review so we can continue to roll out transformational free content that reaches more humans. xx

Transcript
Speaker:

Welcome to the Relationship Alchemy

Podcast, where you come to turn your shit

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into gold and your gold into platinum.

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I'm your host, Jody, master relationship,

alchemist and architect for transformation

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here to empower you to hire truths,

deeper wisdom and sovereign love.

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This podcast is where your legacy

of love begins to materialize,

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and your hidden pains begin to

alchemize into pure potential power.

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Hello today, I wanted to share what

it's like working with me when I'm

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working with couples either one on one

or in the Relationship alchemy program.

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So first I wanted to share that I

don't work two on one with couples

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Meaning I I don't do like therapy

until they have a solid foundation of

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themselves first Meaning, until they've

done, each done the dirty work that's

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necessary in order to pull out a victim

consciousness within themselves, and

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are solid in their identity and their

desires, we can't go to the same table.

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Both the research and my 27 years

experience studying human behavior,

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nervous system regulation, emotional

intelligence, and advanced relationship

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techniques from childhood as an

educator, To adulthood as a leadership

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and performance coach, which is the

unfancy way to say what I do, shows

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that if I bring you to the couch or

to the carpet, as I would with the

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kids, to discuss your problems, we are

focusing on problems, you against him,

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you against her, rather than solutions.

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The solutions are always

individual based first.

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not situation based.

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If we focus on situations and we haven't

set the tone allowing everyone to learn

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and reflect on their own character and

behavior and then reset their nervous

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system, being grounded in emotional

intelligence for self security, we're

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coming to the carpet or the couch

with a pain brain instead of a miracle

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mind, the problem of the problem.

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And is ready for solutions.

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However, most people's worldview is that

if there's a problem between two people

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that we must talk about it right now,

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we must apologize, say

you're sorry, and then go on.

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No, that isn't the case at all.

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It doesn't mean that we never

talk about things, but there's

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an order of operations.

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And I even tell some clients, like, I

don't even say, I I'm sorry, like, I'm

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sorry is, is such a fly by night thing.

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I don't even know if that

makes sense, but, fly by night

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thing, it, it's not grounded.

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It's just a thing that we say.

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There's no, there's no substance to it.

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And so 9 times out of 10 when people

come to me, they're in problem

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mode instead of in expansion mode.

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The people that come to me in expansion

mode are taking their relationship that

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is solid, their soulmate relationship

that is solid, and they're scaling it

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into power couples that are on a mission.

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They have a deep mission, soul mission,

to do together in this lifetime

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and that requires an evolution of

their relationship into whole mates.

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Okay?

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So, what most people are doing is

they're, they're still in this obvious

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codependency rather than sovereignty.

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And no matter how much work we do

on the development of ourselves,

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we will always be looking for

improvements into, in tweaks because

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that's why we're freaking here.

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We're here to grow and evolve in

relationship with others over lifetimes.

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And in my perspective to write the

greatest story our soul has ever

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told and all the history of ever.

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No matter what life throws at you.

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The goal for me is not to

keep marriage together.

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I have a very, very sacred belief and

sacred container around the family unit

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and around keeping marriage together.

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But if I come at it from that

vantage point, I do a disservice.

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I'm like everybody else.

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Because people staying together

is a byproduct of two people

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who are both aligned for growth.

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Together.

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And if I focus on the marriage and

keeping that together and wanting it so

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badly, then I'm in victim consciousness,

trying to control the outcome.

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And that's the opposite of what I do.

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I'm not here to control the outcome.

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I'm not here for control at all.

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I'm here for freaking liberation

and freedom and sovereignty,

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which is the frequency of love.

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I'm here to guide you back to the

remembrance of who you are and The

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purity of your heart as we bring hidden

beliefs and stories up and out of your

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unconscious and subconscious mind, so

you can actually have free will, because

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you don't really have free will, because

you have a limited amount of choices

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when you're in pain brain, when you're

in codependency, when you are in this.

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This place that is control manipulation,

the triangulation of menage a trois,

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the victim consciousness, the victim,

the perpetrator, the savior, the

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people pleaser, another name for that.

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That's not free.

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That's imprisonment.

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And the first thing that you need

to know to get out of the prison is

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that you're in the freaking prison.

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Otherwise you're just

making limited decisions.

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With only 5 percent of your conscious

awareness, while the rest is locked up

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inside of those hidden parts, inside of

those files in the back of your mind,

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the unconscious and the subconscious.

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So, When clients come to me, their

brains and their bodies are still in

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this dysregulated state, depending on

their partner, to make them feel better.

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Their energy is like two little kids.

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one of my gifts is being able to sense

and to know the age their wounding

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is in, the age that your wounding

is coming from through their energy,

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through your energy and patterns.

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When I have strong female leaders working

with me and Their husbands have typically

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fallen into these emasculated states

themselves because they're unconsciously

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looking for their mother still, or they're

unable to let go of mama's apron strings.

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That same energy dynamics of not being

able to let go of mama's apron strings.

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Now this is huge I don't want it to

sound like, you know, men are little

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bitches because they're not, but

they don't know what they don't know.

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Okay.

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They might be acting like one.

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All right.

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But when I look at the man,

I'm looking at their greatness.

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I'm looking at them for

who they really are.

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Okay, but this is what happens in

the dynamics when they haven't let

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go of the dysfunctional attachment

that was formed with their mother

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and then come to a resolve with

their father and their energy.

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Like, some relationships aren't

meant to be in the physical.

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Some relationships are past restoration

in the physical, but there's an

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energetic and spiritual resolution that

must be done or you're still operating

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with the same energy as your parents.

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And essentially that's where the

prison comes from because we're still

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playing in this predictable field, not

being able to get past the frequency

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of love that we were raised in.

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And when I say the frequency of

love that we're raised in, I'm not

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talking even about a general state.

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I'm talking about at the

worst times in your childhood.

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That is a set point.

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And so the more stress that you have

as an adult, the easier it is to go

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back to this programming, back to

these energetic patterns and then

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become children instead of adults.

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Advancing into adulthood.

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And so what happens is the energy, their

energy won't be in true love leadership,

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but instead will show up with this like

limpy body because they have left their

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soul in the past somewhere up and they

have grown, but their energy hasn't.

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And the opposite of this is a wounded

boy who literally had to come out of

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the womb fighting for his life and

he will puff out to gain control.

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This is life like a rebel teen and

neither of these energies obviously

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are going to work in relationships.

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The fighting man who puffs up for control.

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Sounds and feels scary, but

his wounding runs very deep

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and his bottom is very deep.

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We can't save him, either one of them.

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We can't please him because when we're

trying to please him, we're actually

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taking his personal right to his feelings.

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And that isn't sexy either.

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Because if we become his people

pleaser, we become his mother.

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And then he will defy more,

and he will rebel more.

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That's not what we need.

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Because essentially what happens is

he's trapped in an idealized version of

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himself that thinks he has to protect

himself or disempower even his wife.

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So he can feel big again.

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Because as a little boy, his father used

his bigness to scare him into submission.

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And both of these energies

are just scared little boys.

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I'm going to do another episode on the

archetypes of men, but inside, they don't

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have a secure attachment to themselves

and they're both emasculated essentially

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in the end, but the weaker one, the

one that looks weaker is more needy.

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They're both weak by the way.

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But the one that looks obviously weaker is

the one that's more needy, looking for his

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wife to fulfill him with her attention,

and the puffed up one looks for a wife

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he can dominate or overprotect because

she's even more wounded than he is.

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Let that land.

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If these are old patterns in men, meaning

they've been like this the whole time,

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then when the woman begins to do the work.

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They just get louder and things look

worse at first because they're more

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afraid now because they're about

to be exposed as being powerless.

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They're, they're running

out of their power source.

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She's not her, their power source anymore.

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And so her role is to pull her

energy back in and stay in her lane

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as the new leading energy showing

him the way through her energy.

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Yeah.

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It isn't easy to break the cycle.

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It is not easy, but it is

simple with the right guidance.

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Like you would have in Relationship

Alchemy, our Love Leadership Academy,

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which is for both men and women,

whether you're married or single,

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because it, this is everything that

you need to be the love leader, making

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decisions from soul rather than hidden

pain and traumas that you don't even

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most of the time know are there.

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And also it's the work that we do

in private one on one work, which is

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what I'm the client that I'm going

to be sharing with you is doing.

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And let me just throw this out here too.

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It's harder to be in the same

house and the energy that you've

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known and do this work It's harder,

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especially if one.

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isn't ready to surrender to the

new life and actually break free.

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I'm going to do another episode on,

I keep saying that, but I'm going to

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do another episode on the research of

separation and no contact for growth.

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That's in relationships that actually

might surprise you, but it makes

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perfect sense to me when done with

the highest of integrity and focus.

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So next I want to share the behind

the scenes clip of me riffing

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with this client who was stuck.

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he hasn't had his first call with me yet.

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So I'm letting him have it because he

doesn't have the background knowledge yet.

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And.

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He's only done his portion of his love

blueprint, which is my proprietary process

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to help you bring your hidden stories

to the surface so that you can see the

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patterns and become empowered to change

them so that you can have free will so

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that you have more choices to choose from.

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And so I asked him what has come up since.

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He had finished the Love Blueprint

and we have scheduled our call

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for a couple of days from now.

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And he can see that he's stuck

and wanting her to be different

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or to treat him different.

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And he wants it to be fixed right now.

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And we haven't even, we haven't even begun

the work, but it's not an overnight fix.

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This is deeply rooted stuff.

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And most of the time you've been

carrying this for generation after

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generation, after generation, like you

are holding the bag of all the things

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from everybody else in your ancestry

who has not unpacked these bags yet.

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And he isn't wrong that.

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She needs to do some things different

and that she needs to be in a place

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where she's treating him different.

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Like that's not what we're saying.

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But it isn't where we start or he

will never go anywhere without needing

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his mother So this is what I told him

and this is what I'm telling you too.

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Yeah, you know, people don't realize

because they don't know, you know,

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you don't know what you don't know.

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And we think that.

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Oh, because we survived it that

it didn't affect us or it's not

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having a current effect on us.

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But the fact that you're not even able

to come back to you and in a loving way,

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not from an ego way, but back to you.

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And what do reflect on you?

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What do I need to work on?

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What do I need to change?

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Who is the man that I want to be in

this situation, what happens is we're

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focused on the other person, and this

is classic codependency, and so people

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don't realize that that's what it

is, people don't realize that they're

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literally plugged into other people's

energy, we let Then lead our life and

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we let dictate what's happening and

like just let that land for a second.

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It's so fucking bizarre

because let that land.

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If I'm letting lead my life because I'm

basing how I feel on what she does, what

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she says, who she is, how she operates,

I'm literally handing her by power.

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And if I'm handing my, if I'm

handing my power to her, I'm

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not a sovereign individual.

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I'm not a powerful individual.

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I'm not even a fucking individual.

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I'm enmeshed, entangled

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in that other person.

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And this is the old paradigm of marriage,

the old paradigm of relationship

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that the other person, that, that

we are a unit in a way that if one

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of us is down, then I'm down too.

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And that's not how it works.

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If one of us is down in a, in a,

in a solid, secure relationship,

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we both can't go down.

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Somebody's got a fucking lead.

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Somebody has to fucking lead.

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or the whole entire

fucking ship goes down.

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There is absolutely no way to work through

restoring a viable, secure relationship

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without securing ourselves, without

restoring that faith in ourselves, without

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understanding fully and deeply who I am.

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The character that I am playing in

the situation and so it's not that

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we don't look at their character

is that we are looking at their

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character from a scope from a lens of.

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Wow, this is what I'm observing.

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I don't like that in her.

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Where is that in me?

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How am I showing up like that?

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Because like attracts like,

okay, the, the law of attraction,

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one on one, like attracts like,

what is, what is the like here?

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The like is that Somebody has to

be the victim and somebody has to

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be the perpetrator in the story.

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And so when you're looking at

it from that lens and you are

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saying to yourself, Oh, I see.

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I see how I am allowing myself.

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I'm emasculating myself.

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I'm emasculating myself

by handing her my power

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to dictate who I am and how I feel.

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Nobody fucking gets to do that.

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Nobody fucking gets to do that.

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Only you get to decide who

the fuck you are and where you

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belong, where you don't belong.

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Only you, only you get to decide what

you value and what you don't value.

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Only you get to decide what your worth is.

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and what it isn't.

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And when it, when you don't feel worthy

of something, that's the work to do.

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When you don't feel that you match

the identity that you want to be as

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a man, as a man first, like we've got

to build a strong foundation from the

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man, the character of who You are so

that's the lens that you're looking,

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that I want you to look through right

now, who am I being, who am I being?

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Am I being the little bitch?

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The observation for you, the inquiry

for you, is who is my character?

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What is the story that I want to write?

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Because not the starring

role in your story.

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is a character in your story.

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You're the fucking starring role.

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You've got to put yourself in the

starring role and decide who you are.

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Who's the man?

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Who am I?

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And the reason why we have to go back into

childhood is because our, our identity,

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our self image is formed in childhood.

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And so when that image is formed in

childhood, it's literally impressing

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inside of our body, inside of our

mind, inside of our fucking soul.

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And we have to reimagine and

reconfigure who we are now.

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Otherwise, with a little boy in the story.

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So,

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and a little boy has to have a mother

and so what happens in the dynamics is

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then when you go into a little boy mode.

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Now, is the mother of boys instead of

boys and walking on eggshells, wanting

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one of these boys to leave like a man.

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And what that means is, is, you know,

who the fuck you are, you know, who

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the fuck you are, you, you know,

who you are at the highest level.

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And we're going to get there.

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We're going to get there as

we work through this process.

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You're going to see yourself in ways

that you've never seen yourself before.

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And this is all leadership.

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Period.

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Marriage restoration, marriage

growth is about leadership.

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And my job is to put you back in your

core essence, back into your core power

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that comes from a place of true, authentic

love, the frequency of true love, not

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the frequency that plays in victim

consciousness, which is what we think

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love is, but that's not what love is.

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Love is sovereign.

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Love is free.

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Love is responsible.

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Love is authentic.

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Love is an integrity with

who God intended us to be.

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And I don't know, I don't know where you

are in your belief system, but God, how I

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see it, God is the frequency of creation.

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It's not the dogmatic, religious

sector of a judgmental father.

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Saying you can't do this

and you can't do that.

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You bad boy.

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No, I don't, I don't pay.

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I don't play that It is the

the energy of co creation.

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Okay, so that was a lot

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You might listen to it again, you

might speed me up you might slow

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me down Whatever, but that's that's

the thing is just recognizing and

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observing yourself Just observing

yourself looking in to you intimacy.

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Okay.

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I don't think I've said this

to you intimacy in to me I

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See, that's what intimacy is.

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It's not sex.

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It's not performance In fact, the more

you look out at other people the weaker

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You become the weaker your posture is the

weaker your your your dick is the weaker

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you are Because there's no energy flow.

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There's no life force inside of you.

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So when we restore that intimacy

inside of yourself, then you can

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be intimate with somebody else.

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And, and so intimacy is into me.

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I see in relationship it's into you.

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I see the greatness in you and into you.

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I'm allowed to see because a lot

of relationships don't allow.

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Themselves to be seen, they

don't allow true intimacy.

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They don't allow somebody to

see the depths and the shadows

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and the, and the shames and the

doubts and, and all of that.

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Now, we don't want to

pass it onto our partner.

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There is a way to do that and that's

advanced relationship skills, but for now.

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Just recognize that

that's what's going on.

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So into me first, I see, okay.

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And to me, I see into you.

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I see the greatness in you and into you.

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I'm allowed to see you're

not shutting yourself down.

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Okay.

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And to me, I allow you to see.

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So when you learn all of this stuff,

this is not, this is not ammo.

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This is not puffed up chest ammo.

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Now we know things and so now we can

tell them what they're doing wrong.

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No, this is knowing the information and

being able to observe it within ourselves.

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Only from that foundation can we then

magnetize a relationship that actually

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thrives, not from a war, me against

you, because there's no internal war,

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but as long as we're not looking at

ourselves, there's an internal war.

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There's an internal war going on, hidden

in the subconscious and unconscious

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mind that's where the intimacy lies.

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We gotta get into those files,

pull them out, and look at them.

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Without judgment, they

just are what they are.

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It just is what it is.

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Whatever it is.

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It just is what it is.

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Pass the salt.

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Very neutral.

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Now we can actually be in a place that

our brain can receive and our mind can

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receive and we can make a better decision

not from a place of me against you but me

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and you we both get to win and actually

there is no winners and losers it just is

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I hope you found this

transmission valuable.

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And if it resonated with you, we

would love to hear from you by

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leaving us your five star review and

sharing this podcast to support our

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mission of moving relationships from

victim consciousness into sovereign

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love that moves freaking mountains.

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And if you're ready to lead your

love legacy and positively influence

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others, Relationship Alchemy, the Love

Leadership Academy is your next move.

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This is where we unlock the hidden power

of your pure heart and co create from

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the frequency of love and connection

rather than codependent attachment.

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You'll find all of our programs and

offers in the show notes from our house

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membership, a no brainer, 44 a month

for growth as a whole woman to our high

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level one to one spaces and retreats,

and if you're ready for a deep soul

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transformation, the embodied woman

miracle mind is a year long mastermind

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where you'll rewire your brain and

body using research based practices,

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unlocking your highest leadership,

intuitive, innate genius and soul gifts.

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It's all about leaving behind the

old paradigm of pushing like a man

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and instead leading from the soul of

your woman scaling without burnout,

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Or sabotage without leaving the

masculine genius inside of you behind.

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If you're feeling called to expand

your life from the inside out,

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explore the links in the show notes.

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And until next time, much love.

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About the Podcast

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Relationship Alchemy With Jodie
Cultivating your highest relationship purpose while living a legacy of love

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About your host

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Jodie Rodenbaugh

Jodie Rodenbaugh is a Soul Liberator & Soulmate Matchmaker here to guide powerful men, women, & couples and in turn their families & into their highest relationship purpose & greatest love story their souls have ever told in all the history of ever.

Your past doesn’t define you but there is deep wisdom & life defining treasures hidden back in your earliest years and many times before you were born that are effecting your success because there is no real success without relationship success.

Gone are the days of superficial love & surface relationships. You were born to for so much more! You were born to create & allow yourself to co-create literal magic beyond your own human understanding. Soulmate kind of love requires a deep awareness of self & an unwavering connection to the most high.

Every episode of Soul Liberated Life holds timeless wisdom and potent messages to call your soul back home and into your wildest dreams and deepest soul-fueled desires.