Episode 34

Can Narcissists Really Love Their Children?

Welcome to the inaugural episode of Relationship Alchemy with me Jodie.  After two seasons of The Soul Liberated Life I decided this year needs a little tighter focus and I have a big topic for you today.  We’re going deep on what I call the WPP and narcissistic behaviors.  

Tune in to find out “Can narcissists really love their children?” & what to do about it.

Deepen your quality of life & relationships going further with Jodie:

Make sure to like and subscribe so you never miss an episode.

And, don't forget to leave a review so we can continue to roll out transformational free content that reaches more humans. xx

Transcript
Speaker:

Welcome to the Relationship Alchemy

Podcast, where you come to activate

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the remembrance of who you really

are, transmute the lead of everyday

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relationships into the gold of deep

connection and true sovereign intimacy.

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I'm your host, Jodi, Master Relationship

Alchemist, here to empower you

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with higher truths, ancient wisdom,

and practical tools, blending

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both the art and science of love.

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Communication and personal growth,

whether you're single seeking profound

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soul connection, evolving into a power

couple, or looking to harmonize your

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family, this podcast is your sanctuary

to help you create a legacy of love and

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deep fulfillment, get ready to discover

the relationship alchemist in you.

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Hello.

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Welcome to the inaugural episode

of relationship alchemy with Jodi.

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That's me.

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After two seasons of The Soul Liberated

Life, I decided that this year

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needs just a little tighter focus.

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And I have a big topic for you today.

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We're going to go deep on what I

call the WPP, the witness protection

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program and narcissistic behaviors.

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So the other day I shared a reel

in my Instagram stories on can

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narcissists really love their children?

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And the answer is not so much.

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But first let me say, I don't do labels.

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I find they limit us

instead of empower us.

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They divide us more than they liberate us.

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And everyone who comes to me

saying my partner is a nurse

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knows I won't buy into it until we

release the nurse in them first.

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Now, having said that, there are

mainstream titles that help us

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identify what it is I'm referring

to, but part of my work here is in

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empowering people outside of any box and

recognizing that some of these labels

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are actually giftedness, like what's

behind it is part of your giftedness.

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And in the end, what really matters is

the energy behind the label, the energy

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behind what we put the label, what we

put behind the label, and whether or not

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those are empowering or disempowering us.

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So I call the narcissist within us the

Witness Protection Program, WPP for short.

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And you will hear me talk about

the WPP in various episodes

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and why do I call it this?

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Because it's so much sexier and

it makes so much more sense to me.

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And it is not a label.

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It actually empowers you by really

understanding what it's all about.

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And many times with these labels, we're

just kind of going back and forth.

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Well, are they, or aren't they?

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Where they are or they

aren't is in our business.

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Our business is in how we respond, how we

interact, and what we allow in our lives.

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Because we waste so much

energy analyzing others.

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Trying to outlast or

outmaneuver or outsmart them.

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But the only way to break

the narce loop is to face our

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own shadows and let them die.

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I learned this the hard way.

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I learned this when my

late husband passed away.

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I saw the raw truth.

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I couldn't escape it.

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It was smacking me in my

face on how I had lived out.

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with love, how I was trapped behind my

own barb wire that I had wrapped around

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my own heart from the pain of my past.

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And the moment that I heard a doctor I'd

never met before say that we pronounced

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him dead, all of the lies that I was

telling myself that I did not know

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were actually lies Just slid off of me

like a silk robe, pulling at my feet.

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There was this sense of peace that

I felt in the duality of it all

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when it didn't make any logical

human sense at all at the time.

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But now I know where that

piece was coming from.

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And that's what one of my core messages is

for you is to be able to find that piece,

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even in the eye of the freaking storm.

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So when we look at narcissism, like

love, it exists on a continuum.

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There are covert narcissistic people

that manipulate gaslight and break others

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down to maintain control all the time.

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This is their character.

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This is who they have been.

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This is what we try to figure out in them.

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This is.

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who they have become.

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And then there are what I call

circumstantial narcissists where

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once they were loving, once they were

accountable, once they were connected,

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but after a deep loss, some sort of

midlife crisis, ego death, smack down,

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they disconnected from their true self.

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And they fall into the WPP, gripping it

as tightly as their first childhood wound.

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And they'll begin to act out

and make decisions from that age

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that they were first wounded.

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And sometimes, sometimes it goes back

to the womb and they are literally not

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making rational, conscious decisions.

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Even if they think they are, they're

making decisions out of their

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Decisions out of what I call their

pain brain, but a narcissist, whether

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covert or circumstantial, cannot

truly love their Children because

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they cannot truly love themselves.

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They hide behind masks.

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They prioritize their

facade over connection.

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They care more about themselves than

anyone else, including their Children

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and will even abandon their own Children

or they will run cold on their Children

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if they disagree with them or They, the

children no longer make them look good.

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I remember when I was little first

noticing this in church and you know,

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you had to look perfect, act perfect, be

perfect in order to pre present yourself

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and in order to make your mom or your dad

or the family, quote unquote, look good.

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And I always sat back.

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It was like,

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what the shit is this?

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Like, none of this is real.

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Why do we, why do we come on Sundays?

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And act like we're perfect and

then every other day of our

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life, it's a freaking shit show.

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And I knew from a very little

girl I was witnessing this,

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Parenting requires giving and sacrifice.

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And it's something that a, a

covert narcissist cannot do.

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And also someone who is in

circumstantial narcissists.

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Can't do either because a nurse doesn't

know how to love anyone because they don't

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know how to sacrifice and sacrificing

the giving of self to the family unit

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and Vulnerability is what has to happen

when you're a parent leader We can't

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make them love their children The

only way they can learn to love is by

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examining themselves And it's definitely

not something that you'll want to

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force, whether it is circumstantial

narcissism or covert narcissism.

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Neither one of them, those are

going to be completely resistant.

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to examining themselves completely

resistant to actually looking in at

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themselves because if they have to look

at themselves and they have to tell the

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truth and telling the truth means that

they are literally going to die or they

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think they are literally going to die.

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Now, I want you to understand

that when I'm talking about this,

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we all have this inside of us.

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So there is a tendency for all of us.

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to be a narce at any one time or another.

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So let's now call the narcissist the ego

instead to take the edge off a little bit.

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So I want you to understand

that there are higher aspects

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of ego and lower aspects of ego.

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The goal isn't to give up the ego.

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That's not the goal.

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We're never going to give up the ego.

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It's not even something that we

want to do, but what we want to

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do is live and relate to higher

aspects of ego, which is really just

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being conscious of what you use to

protect yourself and push love away.

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Breaking free from the witness

protection program requires an

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untangling of a deeply embedded survival

mechanism that has distorted your

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true nature and your divine essence.

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It constructs this false identity to keep

you safe from deep family and ancestral

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wounds that block you from true love.

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Block you from deeper intimacy

and actually block you from

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your own spiritual gifts.

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It's where power is not seen

as an internal life force.

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The energy, the vital force energy inside

of you, it's not seen as that, but rather

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a conditioned armor we built to navigate

a world where power has been defined.

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through force, fear,

manipulation and control.

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The WPP locks us into

victim consciousness.

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It keeps us fighting for our suffering

rather than claiming our sovereignty.

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I want you to imagine

for a moment, a child.

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you as a child, or if you have

children, bring one of your children

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into mind, into your energy.

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And I want you to imagine that this

child has seen or felt something

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that was way too painful to bear.

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Something that involved abandonment,

rejection, humiliation, maybe

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even the feeling of betrayal.

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And the WPP whispers, you're too pure.

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A new identity is formed in those

moments, not as the true self, but

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a protected version of the self.

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One that can navigate the world without

risking the pain of being fully seen.

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And this is why we hide.

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This is why we're afraid to be visible.

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This identity carries wounds of the

past, both in our own personal lives

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as well as ancestral and operates from

fear, from defense, from survival,

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rather than from this pure presence

of soul, the pure energy of creation.

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tapped into higher source.

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And this causes us to wear a disguise.

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It's a character that we play that

serves as armor to prevent us from

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experiencing these wounds of rejection,

humiliation, betrayal, and abandonment.

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And I have found that there are

five major disguises that people

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wear, and I see them all the time.

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And it doesn't mean that we only wear

one of these disguises at a time,

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because when you're actually going

through a really deep ego death, an

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awakening of sorts, you're going to be

recognizing all of these identities,

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all of these disguises that you wear.

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So the first one is the perfectionist.

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The perfectionist says, if I am

flawless, I will be accepted.

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Then we have the lone wolf.

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The lone wolf says, if I need

no one, I cannot be hurt.

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Then we have the overachiever.

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If I prove my worth, I

will not be rejected.

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Okay.

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Now we're going to get into the

menage a trois, the triangulation

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of victim consciousness.

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We have one of the characters that

usually plays called the People Pleaser.

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The People Pleaser says, If I meet

everyone's needs, I won't be abandoned.

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This is also when I refer

to it as the Savior.

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Sometimes I refer to it as the Martyr.

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And sometimes even to the

guys, Captain Save A Ho.

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Which I don't really like to say,

but it is what it is, you guys.

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Then we have what I call

sometimes the prostitute.

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There will be clients that are

prostituting themselves, or in

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other words, the beck and call girl.

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I call it the beck and call girl as well.

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All of these little mini archetypes

are part of the people pleaser.

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And next we have the victim.

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If I'm needy, I will get

their love and attention.

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And then we have the rebel.

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If I reject them first,

they cannot reject me.

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We also call the rebel, the

controller or the perpetrator.

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Now I do like to call myself

the rebel with a cause.

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I do love that my clients, most

of them, have a little bit of

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rebel in them, because we have to.

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We have to fight against these

systems, and when I say fight, I'm

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not actually talking about fighting.

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I'm just saying that we need to stand

in a certainty, in a sovereign stance

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of rebelling against these systems.

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Going the other way, that's a rebel.

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But here's the thing.,

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These archetypes, they're not wrong.

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It isn't bad to be any one of these.

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It's bad to stay there.

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It's bad to allow it to become

who we are and to get stuck there

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because this is survival and

you didn't come here to survive.

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Because survival is not actually living.

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Survival is not actually sovereignty.

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Survival is not actually free

will, which we have been given

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as humans in this lifetime.

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But people think that they have

free will because they're being the

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rebel, or they're being the people

pleaser, or whatever else, whatever

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other archetypes they're being.

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No.

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You only have free will When all of these

hidden patterns, all of these hidden

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archetypes become conscious and you

can actually make conscious decisions.

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Otherwise you're being led

by the wounding of your past.

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And many times you don't even know

that you're carrying it around

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because like I said, it's ancestral.

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It's been passed down to you generation

after generation after generation until

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someone is the freaking rebel with a

cause and says, not on my fucking watch.

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The WPP.

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locks us into victim consciousness.

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It keeps us fighting for our suffering

rather than claiming our own sovereignty.

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There is a primal survival mechanism

in us that was shaped not just by

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childhood experiences, remember,

but also by the collective trauma

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that's stored in our lineage.

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This is the study of epigenetics.

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It was designed for our protection

at the time, not our authenticity.

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Hear that again.

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It was designed for our

protection, not our authenticity.

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If you come from a family lineage that

hasn't either had the opportunity to fully

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express themselves, or they were literally

punished for fully expressing themselves,

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then they are not living in authenticity

and they are afraid of being exposed.

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They're afraid of their true core

essence coming out of the bag, coming

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out of the closet, being released.

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They're afraid of their own sovereignty.

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And I want you to think about something.

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When a child perceives rejection

or abandonment as life threatening,

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the psyche then builds this,

this like shield, a persona that

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ensures that belonging at any cost.

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to the family frequency that you came

from is going to be your saving grace.

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And this is why we get stuck right

where we are because we're afraid to

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outgrow the frequency of our family,

of our family unit that we grew up in.

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We cannot expand, we cannot stretch,

we cannot grow into the life that we

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truly came to live If we're still in

the frequency with which we were raised

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and quite honestly, the frequency, not

just with in which we were raised, but

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our ancestors dealt with things like,

like true war, the great depression.

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And we're repeating these

patterns and not even aware that

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we are repeating these patterns.

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And when I say that we will do things

at any cost, To continue to belong to

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that system instead of creating a new

system at a higher frequency, a new

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family unit at a higher frequency.

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Because see, what I teach is that

you, we go first, the leader of

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the family, the chosen one, the one

that is here to break the patterns.

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We have to go first.

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We have to lead the new movement.

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We have to cross the bridge first.

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In the new frequency, in the new energy,

so that the rest of our family can

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rise to, and our ancestors can be free.

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They are able to pass the baton over to

us and say, Here you go, I'm so proud

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of you, keep going, now I can rest.

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This is why everything that

I do is about a love legacy.

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The story that you're

writing is a love legacy.

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The key to healing all of this

is recognizing that we're not

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the false identity we created.

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The true self doesn't need protection.

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It needs integration and it

needs embodiment of our whole

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authentic and higher self.

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And when we acknowledge and love

that wounded child beneath the masks

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behind the curtains, like, like Oz,

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we reclaim our power and in turn our

sovereignty, and it's only there that

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we truly have free will to choose.

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And it's only there that we

can truly, deeply, profoundly

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love ourselves and others.

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Otherwise, we're choosing not from

free will, but from the conditioned

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self and indoctrinated program.

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This is not love.

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So how do we begin to

break free from the WPP?

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We become the witness instead.

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Witnessing the inner nurse in us, where

you're playing small, where you're playing

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in these roles, where you're preventing

yourself from having true sovereignty as

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an individual and who can then truly be

in union and harmony and love with others.

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It means beginning to see yourself

in the mirror of others and

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looking in to find where the lie

that I see in you is still in me.

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This is intimacy.

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This is an intimacy problem.

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The only reason the WPP stays alive, the

only reason That a narcissist stays a

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narcissist is because they lack intimacy.

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And in order to have intimacy, I'm

not talking about sex here, I'm

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talking about into me I see, into

you I see, into you I'm allowed to

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see, into me I allow you to see.

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That's true intimacy.

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And it all begins by seeing yourself

in that mirror of others, looking at

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them going, where is that still in me?

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I don't, I don't like that behavior.

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Where is that still in me?

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Not trying to analyze

them and figure them out.

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That is not our business.

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Our business is to go within, look

within not to go in and stay there, to

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look within and realize It's where you

have your heart on lockdown, where you

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have a barbed wire fence around your

heart and every little thing you're just

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squeezing the holy blood out of yourself.

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It's also about recognizing

where you truly belong and

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where you don't belong anymore.

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And I'm going to tell you because the

WPP is a sneaky little cuss if you

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are not moving to a higher standard of

living and it doesn't follow the law

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of increase, you may look like you're

making change, you may look like you're

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doing something, but really you're just

stacking shit on top of shit and expecting

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it to be something other than shit.

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There is absolutely nothing greater than

the feeling of peace that passes human

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understanding in a secure, harmonious,

And conscious relationship and family

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because at the end of the day, when it's

all said and done, love is all there is.

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This is the deep work we do in

relationship alchemy, the Academy,

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which you can find in the show

notes, but here's the absolute truth.

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This work in untangling from

the WPP and becoming a sovereign

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leader and lover is not easy.

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It's not easy to see on your own.

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Let alone do on your own.

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Remember, this was my sole purpose.

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And it took the death of my late

husband for me to learn this and

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I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

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If you're ready to turn your shit

into gold, or your gold into freakin

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platinum, Relationship Alchemy

The Academy is your next move.

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Hey, hey, I hope you enjoyed

today's transmission.

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If you found this valuable, we would

love to know by giving us your five

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star rating and review, and of course by

sharing the good word with your people.

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Hop into the show notes for

freebies, invitations, and

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ways we can work together.

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Until next time, much love.

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About the Podcast

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Relationship Alchemy With Jodie
Cultivating your highest relationship purpose while living a legacy of love

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About your host

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Jodie Rodenbaugh

Jodie Rodenbaugh is a Soul Liberator & Soulmate Matchmaker here to guide powerful men, women, & couples and in turn their families & into their highest relationship purpose & greatest love story their souls have ever told in all the history of ever.

Your past doesn’t define you but there is deep wisdom & life defining treasures hidden back in your earliest years and many times before you were born that are effecting your success because there is no real success without relationship success.

Gone are the days of superficial love & surface relationships. You were born to for so much more! You were born to create & allow yourself to co-create literal magic beyond your own human understanding. Soulmate kind of love requires a deep awareness of self & an unwavering connection to the most high.

Every episode of Soul Liberated Life holds timeless wisdom and potent messages to call your soul back home and into your wildest dreams and deepest soul-fueled desires.