Episode 38
How to Be in the Same Room as Your Ex Without Losing Yourself (or Ruining the Day)
In this episode, I’m diving deep into the emotional and energetic minefield of being in the same room as your ex for your child’s graduation, birthday, or big life celebration.
I share behind-the-scenes insights and expert perspectives on what it really takes to show up with grace—even when it’s hard. While I believe, wholeheartedly, that children deserve the best of both parents in one room, I also know it’s not always simple. There are painful exceptions—especially when one parent is so consumed by ego, resentment, or unresolved pain that they simply can’t show up with empathy or maturity.
Here’s the truth: your personal discomfort should never dictate your ability to be present for your child. Milestone moments aren’t about your past relationship—they’re about your child’s memory of who showed up and how.
In this episode, I also share a real-life moment from a client—a stepmother preparing to walk into a room with her husband’s ex-wife after years of court battles and alienation. The energy she needed to step into wasn’t about proving anything. It was about remembering who she is and what she stands for. I gave her a “pep talk” that I think every parent (and stepparent) could use before navigating a similar moment.
It reminded me of 2020, when I stood firmly in my truth, even when it wasn’t popular—refusing to let my kids wear masks because I saw the deeper damage being done. “You walk in like you would in any room. You know things others don’t—not to strut, but also not to shrink.”
This episode is a fierce yet compassionate reminder: we lead by example—and that’s the highest form of love.
Transcript
Welcome to the Soul Liberated Life
Podcast, where you come to activate
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:the remembrance of who you are,
unlock the gifts you're here to
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:offer, and unleash the co creative
experience you're here to love through.
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:I'm your host, Jodi, your Soulmate
Matchmaker, sharing deep wisdom and
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:life intelligence through my life
and death experiences, and my gifts
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:in liberating and expanding powerful
soul led leaders and their lineage.
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:Every episode holds timeless
wisdom and potent messages to call
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:your soul back home and into your
wildest dreams and deepest desires.
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:So strap on your headphones, breathe
into your heart, expand your mind.
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:Let's go.
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:Hey, hey, welcome back you guys today.
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:I'm gonna take you behind the scenes.
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:I love the behind the scenes because
you get, you get a taste of what it's
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:like to work with me, what, what the
nitty gritty is behind, behind it all.
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:And today is one of these days
I'm speaking to, I'm working with
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:a couple and when I work with
couples, I don't work with them.
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:At the same time, we're not in
the same room because each has
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:their own things that they're
working on first and foremost.
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:And then at times we bring them together.
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:I wanna make sure that their
energy, that everything is set for
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:each one of them before we ever
bring them into the same room.
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:This is not therapy where we're
ping ponging back and forth
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:about what happened last week.
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:This is getting to the core cause
of what's causing stagnation, what's
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:causing struggle and challenges.
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:And what isn't allowing the couple
or the family to move forward in a
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:very dynamic and evolutionary way.
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:So today I am speaking to the
female client and she is a stepmom.
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:When we're working with blended families,
especially when the parents are still
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:not getting along, they're just unable
to really be in the same room together.
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:Uh, it is not at all, at all
something that I love to see.
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:And in fact, my, my goal, if I were
to have any kind of personal goal,
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:which I, I don't, everybody is
individualized and I do not have an
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:agenda for anybody except for children.
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:For the children, it's always gonna
be what's best for the children.
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:So.
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:It depends on the dynamics of the family
and what's happening in the family,
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:what's going to be best for that family.
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:But this family has been in a RIF
for almost a year now, almost a year
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:now, where the children have been
placed in a position that they feel
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:that they have had to choose between
the mother and the father, and
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:also the stepmother and the father.
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:So basically they've got, the children
have some deeper wounds toward the
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:father due to his own decisions and
previous betrayals, and so it's coming
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:up for them and it's coming to the
surface so that everybody can heal.
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:When these things come to the surface,
even if they are eons old, all right?
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:Even if they're eons old, they're
coming to the surface to be healed.
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:But what happens a lot of the times
is we expect children to know.
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:We expect children to know, and
they don't know the parents.
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:Let me bring this to you slow.
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:The parents are the example.
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:They set the tone with
which the children play.
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:So if you are feeling rejected by
your child, I get a lot of this
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:on the side of the men because.
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:They have felt, it's usually the
man that leaves the family and
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:they have felt a sense of betrayal.
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:And it is true.
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:It is true.
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:This is a deep wounding that when
you betray a mother, you're also
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:betraying the children that people
don't recognize and people don't own.
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:Now this man is owning it.
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:This man is doing his due diligence.
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:He is doing his work, but the
girls, the kids are not quite
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:there yet, and that's okay.
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:That's okay because they're
still learning and growing and
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:they have their own journey too.
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:He just has to have stronger muscle around
his own wounding of feeling rejected.
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:And him understanding that it's not
all about him, it's about their process
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:and what they're going through too.
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:So when we have an event, like a
major birthday or a graduation or
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:something like that, it's going to
feel really awkward and uncomfortable
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:if the parents haven't been getting
along, if they don't even like to be
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:in the same room with each other and.
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:We have to put those things aside because
it's not about us in those situations.
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:It is about the child.
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:It is about the celebration of that child.
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:In this case, it's a graduation.
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:It's about the celebration of this child.
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:It's about what she has
accomplished in this very moment.
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:We don't come to the graduation
bringing things from the past.
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:We don't future trip trying to
figure out what it's gonna be like.
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:How it's gonna look?
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:What are they gonna say?
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:What are we gonna say?
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:No, that is you being a child.
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:That is you being a child.
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:And what needs to happen is your
own healing of your own child,
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:of your own inner child inside of
you before you go into that room.
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:It has nothing to do with the was wife,
the ex-wife, whatever you call it.
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:It doesn't matter.
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:And it, and it, um, in fact, at one
point in this, I say to, to my client,
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:I say, she doesn't matter talking
about the ex-wife, she's nothing.
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:Please know she is something.
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:And if you take it for, in
the context of what that is,
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:you would take it straight up.
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:The, what I said is that she's nothing.
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:She's nothing.
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:No, that's not what I meant at all.
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:And.
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:That's just a little piece.
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:This is just a little blurb
of the whole entire picture.
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:What I mean by that is this woman has
had puppet strings over my client because
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:my client has allowed it to happen
because she hasn't stood in her power,
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:and so in order to take away the beast
of it all, in order to pull back her
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:own strings and stop being puppeted.
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:And change who she is and change her
emotions and change her behavior because
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:of this woman from her husband's past who
happens to be her step children's mother.
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:We have to go into the healing aspect
of that, and one of those things
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:means we've gotta see that person
as nothing like they're not scary.
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:That's what I mean by that.
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:They're not scary.
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:They're not scary.
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:So I am giving a pep talk, a riff,
a download, a come to freaking
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:Jesus, a power punch, a kick in
the rear to set her tone before
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:she walks into this graduation.
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:And I'm gonna tell you.
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:It shifted her entirely, and I'm so
proud of her because post-graduation,
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:after the whole fact, she feels
like a completely different person,
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:a completely different person.
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:I am so proud of her leadership and the
way she handled the graduation That, I
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:don't know, maybe I'll share that one too
on another day, but for now, here we go.
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:Okay, so first and foremost,
you, you have to decide that your
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:energy is more powerful than anyone
else in the whole wide world.
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:You have to decide that your energy,
that your power does not need to be
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:affected by anyone else's energy.
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:You have to decide that your
power is your own and that no one.
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:No one.
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:No one, no one gets to affect your
energy, gets to take away your
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:power without your permission.
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:So if you're feeling like
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:this sense of like, what's gonna
happen or what are they gonna do?
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:Stop it.
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:Stop it.
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:Stop it.
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:You are writing this story.
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:Who are you?
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:Who are you?
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:How do you walk into a room?
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:How do you own the room?
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:How do you own your energy?
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:That's who you are.
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:That's how you step into a room,
no matter who's in the room.
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:You don't change your behavior.
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:You don't back down just because
someone else is being a certain way.
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:We we're not doing that.
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:We're not doing that.
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:Focus on the child.
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:Focus on the child, and this is a child.
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:This is a child.
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:This is a child who's still learning
how to navigate relationships.
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:Okay?
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:This is a child.
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:She's still learning how
to navigate relationships.
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:I'm speaking into everything here,
so I'm not speaking into any one
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:thing that you've said or done.
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:Please know I'm speaking into
everything here so that it's very solid.
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:Okay?
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:We're going into this situation
knowing that this is a child,
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:knowing that this is a, uh, a pivotal
moment, and it doesn't matter.
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:It does not matter what this child does.
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:It does not matter what this
child, how this child reacts.
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:It does not matter.
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:It does not matter.
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:Why?
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:Because she's still learning.
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:Just like the adults in her room.
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:The adults that are in charge
of her are still learning too.
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:So nothing else matters other than
celebrating this girl who just
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:graduated the past doesn't matter.
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:Nope, none of that.
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:The only thing that matters is this
one moment and how you show up.
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:That's it.
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:That's it.
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:If there are parts of you that are
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:caving in or collapsing in
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:because of the child, that's
what you really need to look at.
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:And heal.
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:And heal because that's the child in you.
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:That is something in your past that
you're bringing into this situation.
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:If it is The ex-wife.
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:imagine her.
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:She's nothing.
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:She's nothing.
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:She's literally nothing.
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:Every time you allow her to be something,
every time you allow your energy to
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:change, she is in the upper hand.
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:She's in the upper hand.
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:You gave her your power.
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:You handed over your puppet strings and
now she is orchestrating your feelings.
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:We're not doing that.
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:The uncle, same thing.
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:Same thing.
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:Your perceptions, you
and you and Husbands.
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:perceptions are gonna
be your and Husbands.
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:perceptions.
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:You might have said to you yesterday
that I didn't agree with his perception.
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:His perception is his percep perception.
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:It doesn't mean that it was
wrong because I didn't agree.
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:I just have a different perspective
of the whole entire thing.
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:I have a different perspective.
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:It isn't a hierarchy, it's just different,
and that's what you guys need to look
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:at is like it gets to be different.
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:But what you guys are creating by being
nervous, by not knowing what to expect,
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:by not allowing yourselves to be you,
is you are creating a trauma bond with,
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:Husband.
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:because now it has to become
you and him against the world.
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:And that is not what we're doing either.
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:That's fucking Bonnie and Clyde shit.
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:We're not doing Bonnie and Clyde shit.
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:Okay?
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:We're not doing that.
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:But you are creating the worst
case scenario by creating the worst
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:case scenario in your body and in
your mind right here, right now.
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:So
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:open up a pathway, open up a
door, open up an opportunity to
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:allow things to be different,
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:to allow things to be different,
because regardless of anything.
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:This is a child who has constantly felt
like a tug of war between her parents.
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:Like she has to choose, like there's
some loyalty, and that is what you guys,
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:what he said yesterday about the uncle.
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:It's, it's a, it's a,
it's a place of loyalty.
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:Loyalty is not love.
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:It isn't love.
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:It is loyalty.
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:Depending on what you're looking at here,
loyalty in this way is not, is not love.
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:What we wanna do is, let me bring it
to a, to a close here and really slow.
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:You decide who you are, how you walk into
a room is how you walk into any room.
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:How you walk into a room is
how you walk into any room.
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:How you walk into a room is
how you walk into any room.
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:Let it be so good.
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:Let it be so good that you and Warren
and Amy can be in the same fucking room.
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:And those children don't need to feel
like they have to choose sides, that
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:they have to be loyal to one or the
other because that's what's happening.
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:Even, even to you.
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:They needed to be loyal.
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:They thought they were loyal
to, like the men are shitty.
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:So I'm not saying by let bygones
be bygones, but let it, let it go.
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:Let it let it go.
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:Let the ego not lead this
because this isn't about you.
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:It isn't about Your husband,
this child's father.
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:it isn't about The ex-wife,
this child's mother.
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:It isn't about
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:This child.
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:and her accomplishments.
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:That's it.
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:And celebration of those accomplishments
because when you make it about you
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:or you make it about Warren, or
you make it about or you make it
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:by the about the uncle, that's ego.
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:That's ego.
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:That's not love.
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:It's not love.
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:So we're gonna focus on the celebration.
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:We're gonna focus on the gratitude.
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:We're gonna focus on that.
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:This woman had an experience with that
brought two children into the world,
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:and those two children matter.
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:Those two children matter, and
they matter to your husband.
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:And so you're gonna put your ego
aside and you're gonna walk into a
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:room like you'd walk into any room.
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:And you're gonna celebrate this
child like you would celebrate any
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:child because that's how you roll.
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:Not because they earned it, not
because they didn't deserve it.
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:That's old school love.
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:We're not doing that
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:because love is love.
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:Hey, hey, I hope you enjoyed
today's transmission.
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:If you found this valuable, we would
love to know by giving us your rating
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:and review so we can reach the masses.
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:And of course by sharing the
good word with your people.
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:Hop on into the show notes for
freebies, invitations, and ways
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:we can work one on one together.
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:Until next time, much love.
