Episode 22

Part 2 Attraction Series: What's Really Going On?

Losing attraction in your marriage can be a super painful and complex situation, however it is part of the relationship and intimacy growth process to “lose attraction” and is essentially a rite of passage for the evolution of love.  

What I share with you in this episode is what you won't get from google or from other relationship experts. This is what is going on behind the curtains and under the surface of the loss of attraction.

Deepen your quality of life & relationships going further with Jodie:

Make sure to like and subscribe so you never miss an episode.

And, don't forget to leave a review so we can continue to roll out transformational free content that reaches more humans. xx

Transcript
Speaker:

Welcome to the Soul Liberated Life

Podcast, where you come to activate

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the remembrance of who you are,

unlock the gifts you're here to

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offer, and unleash the co creative

experience you're here to love through.

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I'm your host, Jodi, your soulmate

matchmaker, sharing deep wisdom and

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life intelligence through my life

and death experiences, and my gifts

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in liberating and expanding powerful

soul led leaders and their lineage.

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Every episode holds timeless

wisdom and potent messages to call

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your soul back home and into your

wildest dreams and deepest desires.

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So strap on your headphones, breathe

into your heart, expand your mind.

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Let's go.

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Hello, love.

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Welcome back.

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Today, I'm going to go into part two

of the two part attraction series.

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And if you didn't catch the

first part, you can go back when

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we're done with this episode.

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But today I wanted to go deeper into the

behind the scenes, the under the surface,

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what no one else is really talking about

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as to why lack of attraction

even occurs in the first place.

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There's a lot of people that are

talking about surface level, surface

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level of traction, service level, what

to do about the loss of attraction.

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And I'm going to talk about

what's really going on when

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there is a loss of attraction.

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Now, if you've had a relationship that

was built on a foundation of a common

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vision, mission, and value system,

you haven't really lost attraction.

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Even though it may feel like it,

because here's what's really going on.

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You've hit a whole new

level, like a video game.

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You've never been here before.

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You don't know what it's really like.

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You don't know how to navigate it,

because you've never seen it before.

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You've never been here before.

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And if you have, you've navigated

it from an immature love level.

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So today I'm going to give you like, I

don't know what that is, the code book.

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I don't play video games, but I know

that people that play video games,

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there's like this code book when they

get frustrated, when they get to this

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point where they cannot figure it out.

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You're not supposed to

figure this shit out.

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You're not supposed to.

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It's part of the process, it's

part of the rite of passage, but

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I'm gonna give you the reason why.

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It's gonna be like the code book to

evolutionary love, so that you can

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actually see what's really going on

and freaking dominate this level.

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So, whether you're in a long term

partnership deepen your connection,

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it's important that you understand

what your values are and why you

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came together in the first place.

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It's deeply important that you reconnect

to your vows and beliefs around marriage.

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And I will tell you, my values

for marriage are strong.

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I do not take my vows lightly.

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I believe they are the covenant

of the word and I gave my word.

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So as I share these things with you, just

know that I will never guide you out of

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a relationship, out of a marriage, if we

don't first explore the following areas.

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Because the following

areas are the real problem.

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Now, I'm not talking about situations

where your life is in danger.

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Okay, so if that's on your

mind, I'm not speaking to that.

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I'm speaking to this is a relationship

that had a semi strong foundation,

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or a strong foundation, and now

you're going through some shit.

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Okay, so what shit are you going through?

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If you go to look up why loss of

attraction happens, you're not going

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to see what I'm going to tell you next.

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But here's what it is.

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A midlife crisis or a spiritual awakening.

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Those two are the biggest cause of

why there is a loss of attraction.

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Now, I want to place something else

in your mind, because a lot of times

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People just assume that a midlife

crisis happens sometime in your 50s.

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But I'm going to tell you

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A midlife crisis happens

after children as well.

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When children come into your

world, it is a spiritual awakening.

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And if it's not a spiritual awakening,

it will be a midlife crisis.

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No matter how old you are, if you

are questioning your attraction

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to your partner, it is because

you're having an internal

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conflict, not an external conflict.

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The external conflict comes

after the internal conflict.

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It is the internal conflict that

causes you to begin to see your partner

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in ways that are self destructive

and destructive to the marriage.

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Now, a midlife crisis or spiritual

awakening can both trigger profound

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shifts and a lot of introspection

and questioning about one's life

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choices and marriage in particular.

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It's a period where people often feel

stuck because the life that they've

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built and the deeper parts of themselves

that want to break free they're in

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between two worlds and they're evaluating

life and questioning everything.

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Their mortality their identity,

their purpose, their desires and

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what it means to be truly fulfilled.

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And often they begin to

feel trapped in roles.

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You know, the roles, husband, wife,

father, mother, business partner, business

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owner, all of these roles that they're

trying to redefine who they are outside of

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these identities outside of these roles.

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Now, with a midlife crisis, menopause

or I'm going to call it manopause.

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You guys ever wondered why

they call it menopause?

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And why men don't have a label for it?

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Because I'm going to tell you,

they go through menopause as well.

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So we're going to call it manopause.

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Manopause.

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You may notice in menopause or manopause

a sense of rebelling or overcompensation

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for their age or Like, this bypassing

of deep fears of their mortality.

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They may go off the rails, run for

the hills, and do anything that they

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can outside of themselves to avoid

their own feelings of inadequacy.

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Their own fears of death, really.

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And then there's also this

physical component that's going on.

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like hormones completely drop that

create a drastic change in sight

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of the body and a tremendous amount

of confusion in the physical self.

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It feel completely out of control.

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This fear of uncertainty might

trigger a desire for newness.

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It's like, okay, they stop

looking inside of themselves and

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they look outside of themselves.

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It's like, I'm going to avoid

what's going on inside of my body.

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What can I see?

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What can I find?

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What looks fresh?

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What looks fun?

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What looks new?

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What looks exciting?

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Because this doesn't

feel freaking exciting.

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As humans, we crave both

certainty and uncertainty, okay?

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So, at various times in your journey,

you're going to either fear certainty

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or fear the uncertainty, or you will

get bored with it and stagnant with it.

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After being in a long term

relationship, it's natural.

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It's natural for people to crave the

old days or excitement, but chasing

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the excitement isn't the answer.

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The problem is never about looking

outside of yourself, either pointing

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at your partner or completely bypassing

your partner and sidestepping out

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of the back door with someone else.

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Which, let me slip this in here.

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Whether someone actually cheats or

simply says nothing and holds secrets

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of their feelings, never giving you the

opportunity, or vice versa if you haven't

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given them the opportunity to understand

what is in your secret thoughts and to do

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something about that, this is betrayal.

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Just like any trauma, there's

no Richter scale for betrayal.

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Betrayal is just betrayal.

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Withholding secrets is

withholding secrets.

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There will be a greater complexity

with the dynamics and the

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energetics of someone cheating.

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But at the end of the day, a

betrayal wound is a betrayal wound.

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And what's super interesting is

sometimes people will use attraction.

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Or I'm just not in love with you anymore

as a way to deflect from the fact that

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they are betraying the marriage covenant.

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And some of you will relate

to going against God's will

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because they have an excuse.

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They have an excuse that doesn't

make them look bad, but rather

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just Meh, it is what it is.

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It is you.

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You ugly.

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I'm done with you.

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You know, all jokes aside, this

isn't, this isn't a funny matter.

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It's, it's very painful.

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It's very, it's very hurtful.

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Betrayal is always warped in an

underlying fear of telling the truth.

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And when you're going through a

spiritual awakening or a midlife

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crisis, The truth is going to be

smacking you in the freaking face.

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And you will either run from

it, or you will face it head on.

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And this is where the difference

really is between the two.

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Because in a midlife crisis,

you choose to go down.

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You choose to avoid.

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You choose to continue the lie.

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In a spiritual awakening,

you're here for truth.

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Your light.

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Show me.

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I, I'm not going to be the one that takes

myself down and the rest of my life down.

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Show me.

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Show me the truth.

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Show me what I need to see.

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Show me the lies inside

of me that need to die.

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Because sometimes you're not even aware

of what it is that is the real truth.

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Because it's hidden.

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It's hidden way back in your subconscious

mind and even unconscious programming.

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Now I'm not going to go too much into

the difference between subconscious and

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unconscious, but basically subconscious

is the things that you have experienced

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in this lifetime and it gets put back

into those files in the back of your mind.

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And this is your operating system.

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Your conscious mind is not

how you make decisions.

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Your subconscious mind is how

you make decisions, as well

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as your unconscious mind.

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And your unconscious mind is what has

been passed down to you generations

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before you, that is still operating in

your system, and you are not the cause,

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but it is your responsibility to release.

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To become aware of and to release

because it is killing you softly

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and your marriage softly because

if your marriage dies, you die too.

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Let that land.

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Some might even say that fantasizing about

even having a life without your spouse in

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the picture has already crossed the line.

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I don't believe in like,

The devil made me do it.

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The enemy has taken him over her over.

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I mean, it happens, but essentially

what it does is if we use that as the

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reason it takes away the power of the

person and it essentially says, okay,

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that person doesn't have any will.

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They have no choice.

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No, you always have a choice.

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So regardless of how you handle this

period, it's super important because

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whether you are On the receiving end

or the giving end of this, all of your

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shames, all of your shadows from the past

will come up and bite you in the ass.

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And like I said, if you are not committed

to telling the truth, the whole truth, and

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nothing but the freaking truth, if you are

not committed To uncovering the lies that

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are still inside of you that need to die

in order for you to be liberated, in order

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for you to not pass down the dysfunction

and the disconnection to your own

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children, then it is your responsibility

to learn what's actually going on and

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take the necessary steps to regain

that connection, first with yourself

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and then with the one that you chose.

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Because here's the thing.

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This is a period of deeper

healing and expansion work.

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If you are not doing deeper healing and

expansion work through something like

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this, then you're not doing the work

that you said you were going to do when

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you came into this human existence,

because this is a rite of passage.

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And if you had a fucked up rite of

passage around the age of 13 to 18.

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Okay, go back there.

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13 to 18 years old.

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If you didn't have a solid ground, if

you made some decisions that weren't in

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alignment with your higher path, you can't

escape these unresolved wounds showing up.

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You can't escape them.

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With a spiritual awakening , it's

essentially the same thing because

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a crisis when done correctly is

actually a spiritual awakening.

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And what may have been fulfilling

for you before will begin to

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feel empty as you seek a deeper.

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Connection with yourself a deeper

connection with God . And a deeper

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connection with your partner and As you

begin to question things, you'll also

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recognize a lack of emotional depth that

you're now craving Surface level intimacy

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won't satisfy you anymore because you're

seeking this deeper soul level connection

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but you can't just snap your fingers

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Or click your heels together

and expect to be there.

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And you definitely can't escape by

thinking that the grass is greener

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on the other side because I'll

tell you, you're gonna start over.

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Back to square one.

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And never actually reach full fulfillment

because you don't stay in the heat.

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You don't stay in the heat.

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And no one is gonna get out alive

without staying in the heat.

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No coal becomes a diamond without

the pressure, without the heat.

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You may have gotten through all the levels

on Pac Man, so you kind of know how to

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navigate it, but you're starting over.

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You're starting over in a different

relationship when you don't follow

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through with this rite of passage.

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Because this next evolution of what

you're desiring also includes soul sex.

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And soul sex is going to be

completely different than what

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you've experienced before.

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But if you haven't quite discovered

your own soul, if you don't know how

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to lead with your soul, or if you're

going through this rebirthing period,

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you might be turned off sexually.

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It's part of the process.

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When I was going through my

first awakening, sex was the

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very last thing for my mind.

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And I'm a pretty sexual being.

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But for about a year, that

part of me was almost numb.

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Nothing was alive in the basement,

but at about 10 to 15 months out,

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that girl woke up like never before.

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And once you know what it feels

like to be in soul intimacy with

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yourself, You actually don't

need anybody else to turn you on.

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You're turned on because you're turned on.

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Period.

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When I was in the depths of

menopause, I gained 30 pounds

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in what felt like overnight.

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And I was once fit.

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And then when I didn't feel that I had

control over my body, I couldn't shake it.

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I also started fearing

like I did as a kid.

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I was a scared child.

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I was so open energetically, I

was afraid to sleep, because every

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spirit would enter my bedroom.

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I was petrified until my early twenties.

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No kidding.

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Did not sleep.

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But all of this childhood trauma, as you

go through these rites of passage, all of

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this childhood trauma comes up to surface.

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Same with the awakening.

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whatever we want to call it.

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It's all the same in my book because

in my world it's an awakening.

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I don't ever use the excuse of the

midlife crisis because we flip the

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switch over into what it really is

or what it really has the capacity

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to be, which is the awakening.

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And when I Was going through this

menopause like the worst parts of it.

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I couldn't sleep.

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I was having the fear I was

disconnected from God, which is

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exactly what happened as a child.

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I was so disconnected I was in

constant fear because when you're

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connected to source you're not in

fear Because what it does is it

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puts you in a primal state of being.

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And you can't, you're not sexy when

you're in a primal state of being.

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I'm not talking about a hot and

bothered primal state of being.

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I'm talking about primal brain.

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We can't think when we're in primal brain.

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We can't communicate when

we're in primal brain.

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We're not gonna have sex.

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We're When we're in primal

brain, we will be turned off.

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Primal brain is a turn off.

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Okay?

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Now being primal, being turned on,

that's a whole different story.

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And here's another thing to think about.

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It could be this place where

you're just avoiding growth.

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We get to these points, these expansion

points, where it's time to grow, and

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people interpret it as it's time to go.

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It's time to get out of here.

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Because they're too fucking afraid

to look at themselves in the mirror

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and tell themselves the whole

truth and nothing but the truth.

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They don't want to be seen.

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They don't want to be seen

for who they really are.

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Even though, they deeply do.

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The Witness Protection Program, which

you hire before you're seven years old to

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protect you from being hurt, from being

found out, your shadows and your shames,

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Before you're seven years old, okay?

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So a lot of times what is essentially

happening is you've hit a growth

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spurt It's just like in business in

business when it's time to scale you

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go through growing pains Uh marriage

is the same thing you get to this point

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and things aren't wrong Things are not

wrong with you with your partner in

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your relationship Can they improve?

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Hell?

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Yeah, we can all improve

Life is about improving.

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If you're in my world,

you're here for improvement.

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Period.

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We're not seeking perfection,

but we are seeking improvement.

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But a lot of people think that

that improvement means that

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they're with the wrong person.

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You're not with the fucking wrong person.

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Most likely, you are not

with the wrong person.

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But the wrong person is you.

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Meaning, you've got to start

to change your identity.

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You are ready for an upgrade,

but you're resisting it.

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And by resisting it, you're saying that

you're not attracted to your partner.

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You guys, typically this is just

projection of your own dissatisfaction

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with yourself onto the relationship,

onto the one that you chose,

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hurting them, hurting her, hurting

him, because you don't want to do

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the dirty work.

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of you exposing yourself.

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It's so freaking common, so common

during times like these of inner

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conflict for people to focus

on external factors rather than

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confronting their own personal growth.

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And

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there's going to be inner struggles of

self belief and self worth issues and the

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issues of aging and all that comes with

that and unprocessed emotional wounds.

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When someone feels lost or insecure,

they're often externalizing

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those feelings by blaming the

relationship or the partner.

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And sometimes when men in particular

go through intense internal

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changes, They get, they can shut

down emotionally or pull back from

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intimacy as a way to cope with their

own confusion and inner turmoil.

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It's like,

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I just got an image of a turtle.

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It's like the turtle, the head of the

turtle goes, goes back inside the shell.

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This is what happens to a man, literally.

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They're not like a woman.

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A woman closes up.

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He just comes back into his shell.

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And I'm talking about feminine women

because there are a lot of women out

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there that are operating like men.

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And that's not what we're doing here.

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I'm teaching you how to

operate like a woman.

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Women fully express.

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Women nurture themselves.

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And the feminine women

who have done enough work.

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They're going to know how to process

their feelings and emotions, but also

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women are more apt to ask for help to

get help when they know they need it.

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If also they're more in the feminine

side, if they're in the masculine

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side of things that we need to work

through, then they're going to be

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like, Men, I don't need any help.

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I can fix it.

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No, you can't.

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None of you can.

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None of you can.

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Because you're not, you don't know how.

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You've never been here before

and most likely your parents

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haven't been here before.

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None of us have been here before.

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None of us have been here before because

we are experiencing a whole new level

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of light and love that's coming in.

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And I'm not talking about the kind of

crazy that's going on in our world.

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I'm talking about the expansion

that is being squeezed out of

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humans, especially in marriages.

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It's conscious love that has a maturity

and a wisdom to it that we have never had.

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in this physical human realm.

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So what can you do about it?

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Well, first and foremost, have

open, honest communication.

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Start there.

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Start by having vulnerable

conversations with each other

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about how you are both feeling.

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And I know , this ain't easy.

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Communication is one of

the hardest things to do.

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And why it's so hard is because most

people don't understand, know, like,

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and trust themselves in such a way that

they're able to actually communicate

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what it is that they're feeling.

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What is it that they're expressing?

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And I forget this all the time.

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But when I went to, I, I'm a

certified professional coach.

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So.

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So, I got certification way

back in:

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And I am in, I am in the classes,

okay, and I am a pretty feminine

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woman, but I was showing up in life

very masculine, very masculine.

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I did not know how to communicate

emotions, and it's really

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embarrassing for me to say Because.

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I was also a teacher

back in the mid nineties.

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I was one of the pioneers

of emotional intelligence.

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So basically I was teaching children how

to express their emotions, what their

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emotions were, and to be able to teach

emotional intelligence to my students.

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But then I would come home

and be a complete fool.

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I, Lost my ever loving mind.

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I knew what to do intellectually.

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I could teach it intellectually,

but I didn't embody it.

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I didn't know how to express it.

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Why?

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Because I was stuck in that primal brain.

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I'm going to talk about the primal brain

in another episode, because it's super

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important to your, to your expansion.

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When you're in the primal brain,

you, you lose your ever loving mind.

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You're not going to be able

to communicate, and you cannot

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communicate with each other.

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and get through anything when both

of you are in that primal brain,

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the pain brain is what I call it.

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So when I was in, In coaching

school, my coach would say, what

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is it that you're feeling Jodi?

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And I would tell her what I was thinking.

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I literally couldn't register and go

back to what it is that I was feeling.

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I would only be able to communicate

what it is that I was thinking.

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And you cannot have a Another this other

level that's calling you that's expanding

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you in your marriage right now You cannot

get through that to that next level

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without Understanding and being able

to communicate on an emotional level.

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You just can't there's no expansion there

without going into the emotional level

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You're not going to understand what's

going on You're going to communicate

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what it is that you're thinking.

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And this isn't a time for thinking.

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This is a time to bring

it down into the feels.

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Think about it.

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If you're having an attraction

problem , in your, in your head,

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you're in the wrong freaking place.

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You need to bring that energy

down, down, down, down, so that

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you can feel from that place.

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And you can express fully from that

place, from that grounded in place.

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If you can communicate, if you guys

are in a place within your relationship

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where you're able to approach and

have a discussion without judgment

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and blame, this is a place for you to

discuss and reconnect and rebuild this

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common vision and a romantic connection.

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visiting the beginning, going back to,

you know, in memory lane and recreating

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some of these special memories.....

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But if communication is a, is a brick

wall, you have to give them space.

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And I understand that that is really

freaking challenging, especially for

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the men because they want to fix it.

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And especially for the women who

are still in masculine energy.

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We want to fix it.

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We want to solve the problem.

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We want to bam, bam, bam.

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Thank you, ma'am.

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Let's move on.

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And while it's painful,

To give them space.

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You have to give them space

to explore their feelings.

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You have to let them let shit land and

giving them that space might be the

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thing that's necessary in order for them

to return to the relationship, clear

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their mind, get down into their body

with a renewed sense of connection.

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And if you're trying to communicate

with the one that you chose, and they're

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offended by your honesty, they don't

want to hear it, they push it aside,

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they're being the victim in it all, I

know this is super frustrating as well.

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And this is an equally

difficult issue to navigate.

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There's many ways to work with me

where I can help you walk through

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each of these specific situations.

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The truth of the matter is,

these things are not meant for

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you to navigate on your own.

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And if you can talk things through,

having a shared mission and vision is an

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incredible foundation for a relationship.

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But you also have to do something with it.

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You can't just write it out like you

would a business plan at a business

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meeting and then just leave it there.

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The business would fail.

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You have to nurture it, commit

to it, go back to it, improve it.

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One step, one bite at a time.

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The next thing you could do if

you are able to communicate things

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is rebuild emotional intimacy.

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Focus first on rebuilding

emotional intimacy with yourself.

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Only when you know yourself and you can

process your feelings on your own or

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without the entanglement with them, can

you reconnect emotionally to someone else?

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If you don't understand how to

connect with yourself emotionally

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in a way that lifts you, expands

you, instead of contracts you,

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you're not yet ready to build

emotional intimacy with someone else.

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I don't care who it is.

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And then this could mean spending

time together, date nights every week

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without focusing on responsibilities,

having deeper conversations or

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engaging in activities that they

bring joy and connection again.

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And from there you can reignite passion.

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But you are responsible

for being turned on.

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Their job isn't to just start you up.

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That's on you.

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You have to know your true desires

and self exploration so that you can

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communicate them and open yourself

up to new experiences together.

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The other thing that you want to make

sure that you're doing, especially if

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they're not communicating to you or

if you can't get anything out of them,

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is it is time to go deep on your own

self care and your own personal growth.

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So let's talk about self care first.

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Self care means looking at

where you've gotten lazy.

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Telling yourself the truth.

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Taking care of your body

like it's your only church.

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You can't build a freaking cathedral

between the two of you if your church

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is a crumbling state of disrepair.

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We have to learn how to master

stress with healthy, holistic care.

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Ways of being that add value to

your life, like working out, prayer,

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meditation, journaling, dancing, movement.

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It's about doing the grooming,

taking care of yourself.

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But I don't want you to just focus

on the external things I want you to

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also recognize that there's internal

things that need to happen care

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needs to be done from the inside

out and That is personal growth

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personal growth support is what you

need next to learn how to get into your

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own subconscious thoughts and patterns.

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And reprogram your own past so that you

can expand and lead the relationship

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toward the expansion together.

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Whether he or she is coming or not.

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This is still something

that has to be done.

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And none of this is

an easy problem to fix.

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You're not supposed to know

how to navigate these waters.

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More than likely, like I said

before, your parents haven't either.

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But that's my job.

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My job is to help you come into the right

relationship with yourself, leading from

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your soul and opening yourself up to the

one that you chose to expand together.

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And if you're single, your job is to

call him in through your soul, speaking

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to his soul before you even meet him.

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Again, not easy, but it is simple.

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If you just let me help you.

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Hey, hey, I hope you enjoyed

today's transmission.

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If you found this valuable, we would

love to know by giving us your rating

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and review so we can reach the masses.

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And of course, by sharing the

good word with your people.

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Hop on into the show notes for

freebies, invitations, and ways

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we can work one on one together.

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:

Until next time, much love.

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About the Podcast

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Relationship Alchemy With Jodie
Cultivating your highest relationship purpose while living a legacy of love

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About your host

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Jodie Rodenbaugh

Jodie Rodenbaugh is a Soul Liberator & Soulmate Matchmaker here to guide powerful men, women, & couples and in turn their families & into their highest relationship purpose & greatest love story their souls have ever told in all the history of ever.

Your past doesn’t define you but there is deep wisdom & life defining treasures hidden back in your earliest years and many times before you were born that are effecting your success because there is no real success without relationship success.

Gone are the days of superficial love & surface relationships. You were born to for so much more! You were born to create & allow yourself to co-create literal magic beyond your own human understanding. Soulmate kind of love requires a deep awareness of self & an unwavering connection to the most high.

Every episode of Soul Liberated Life holds timeless wisdom and potent messages to call your soul back home and into your wildest dreams and deepest soul-fueled desires.